I had this stupid notion,
this fallacy; may be,
of bottomless devotion,
between yourself and me.
I had this childish feeling,
this fairy-taled taboo,
that we had found the meaning,
the only beings that knew.
Alas I was mistaken,
my heart left in confusion,
you never knew you'd taken,
it was my own delusion.
I left and you were standing,
I fought and lost alone,
out clicks were never bonding,
this love was just my own.
I had a wish, to spend some time, alonside my other self,
the one who sows, and reaps, and tries, the one I hide in such great depths,
I had this wish, pursue this being, neglected by my present woes,
in hopes that he would shed some light, and take my hand and guide me home.
Amidst the peaceful forest lay, this castle of denial,
it used to house my dreams and hopes but now it stands on fire,
I watch it burn, I shed no tears, what am I now, today?
A mindless fool, a dreamless being, who throws his days away?
I used to wander, used to play amidst it dusty halls,
piece by piece, I wove my tales of rises and of falls.
Just kings, fair queens and servants more than anyone had seen,
of fights, of balls, stories unfold, old times that once had been.
It used to keep my dreams intact, I used to visit often,
I stayed away, I let it rot and now they all lay frozen.
I lost the key, forgot my self, made plans of fortune only,
yet now I stand as embers fly and think ‘I am so lonely’.
What is this void I feel inside, what lays within those hallways?
What did I leave back there, back then that left me barren, always?
I could not watch, I had to act, save what I left behind,
with hopes that what I am today, can change with what I find.
I used my tears, my sweat, my blood, to salvage my old senses,
because I knew amidst those tales, I’d find my life’s true lenses.
And I was right to save my past, the virtues left behind,
I took them back, I changed my ways, how could I’ve been so blind
There we were, two diverging paths,
both of us had different lives to lead.
Standing in the middle of it all,
sadness enveloping us.
A hug, lasting an eternity and a second.
You did not know back then but I loved you,
much more than the best of friends we were.
In my downfall you learned the truth,
I dragged you down with me for a bit,
you always were stronger and you let go,
I clinged on to your ethereal presence.
Was it seven or eight years the sum of it all?
I held on to the memories, to the moments,
and sank, and drowned and nightmared.
My visions, repetitions of you and me,
I didn’t live to build anything else,
you were my most important achievement,
such a fleeting, thoughtless ambition.
As eons passed, I awoke: torn and pale,
with a memory of what should’ve been,
I set out on my own path and let you go.
I shouldn’t falter in my steps as change justly follows,
succumb to fears or weakened self when soon there dawns the morrow?
I should not bend these trusty knees, I must not stop my pace,
I’ve worked so hard, I’ve come so far, if I stop I’ll lose my face.
But if it may and my knees are bent, if I briefly pause, don’t worry,
I dare not stop, I’ll crawl and crawl, after all there is no hurry.
She breathes in the midnight chill and blows out the inner pain,
A gentle walk, a silent sigh while on and on the midnight rain
To mask the faults, endure the signs and make it all worth living
She carries on with steady pace while only she is giving.
The stars align behind her steps, the sun brighter elsewhere,
And yet she feels, believes and dreams that soon she will be there.
T’was her fault to gaze upon his mesmerizing shadow,
So long oh so long ago when life had felt so hollow,
His spark at once seduced the sense of thought, of wrong and right,
But still within her she just knew that he was worth the fight.
Small steps she took, small steps received, to put him in her life,
And it was ecstasy, she thought, when it was really strife.
Those little deeds had brought him here, a book story unveiling,
But he was somewhere else, his mind on someone else was sailing.
Alas his princess was not her, a goddess she still envies,
For he was hers while she alone still danced with childish fairies,
And all he talked about was her; she was the one who listened,
A patient, understanding bond with eyes of foreign glisten.
In dreams she gave, in dreams she took and felt the deeper meaning,
In dreams she had him in her arms and knew that she was winning.
But now awake outside the breeze she had no one and nothing
With all her thoughts and hope at hand but life so deeply lacking.
T’was strange to see her figurine all dressed in moonlight sparkle,
A gorgeous being who many craved, but no one held her saddle.
She pondered on in heavy rain, to help her mask the tears,
And in her face you closely saw the burden of the years,
Cause love don’t last and his at last had found its timely end,
And all she did was be right there, a broken heart to mend.
The feelings kept so tightly locked, the passion burning bright,
Wasn’t it time for her to breathe, to love and share her light?
The words unspoken left unsaid, but eyes betray the heart,
She saw him lonely and she thought “if only I could act”.
She wished he’d see him through her eyes or feel her strong emotions,
Or get an inkling from her deeds about her true devotions.
No words were said, no feelings shared, as they bid their goodbyes,
cause friendships end when one holds back and builds through lies and lies.
A few more steps, more drops of rain, the tears she shed have ended,
a broken, self-inflicted heart’s a tough thing to be mended.
T’was hard to say a last goodbye, to a love which never was,
but it was time, she aligned the stars, she brought the sun and paused:
“Farewell my love, you took a lot from me and paid with sorrow,
I’m moving on, my heart is strong, I pave my own tomorrow.”
No-one talks, no-one listens,
I open my mouth and cry,
no-one hears, no-one speaks,
I close my mouth and cry.
A saddening smile,
An aching touch,
Breath of pain,
Love, merely a stain.
You thought it could last,
I knew it would end,
What’s built on lies
can be teared down by lies.
This is not a rhyme,
This ain’t a song,
Not even a poem,
and surely not art.
For what it’s worth I was always me,
partly me, but still a huge part,
the biggest part I show to the world anyway,
you knew it, you’ve seen it, you’ve felt it.
You think I blamed you but I blame me more,
I know you’ll survive but I’m not so sure about me.
I withdraw from the world a little bit each day,
I genuinely smile and slowly fade away.
It really is funny to diminish over a lie,
but its even funnier to build something so big over one.
what will be
and what won’t be
because in this life
we need no crystal balls
but the mere belief within
that the meaning of all things
the way we pave the path of tomorrow
lies within the hands and will of the beholder
so spare me your meaningless witchcrafts
spare me the sphere-gazings
spare me the curses
spare the effects
just live life
If I were to walk with you
beneath the clearing rain,
under the pale moonlight
of soft September’s rain,
would you, could you bear a while
with loneliness and silence,
until the drunken air sets free
the tongue and its defiance?
If I were to let my steps
be led by your dark figure,
undressing mysteries of night
and savouring its liquor,
would you, could you take the steps
defining boldness, madness,
to kiss and just unveil the soul
which took so long to harness?
If I were to just speak the words
which my mouth holds as ransom,
forbidding and foreboding love
could I at last just have some?
Dear friend when I am gone,
grant me this wish and carry on.
Let the wind take away my name,
and make you forget all the pain.
Feel no sadness, feel no loss,
say my death was for a cause.
Shed no tears, say goodbye,
unbind my soul and let it fly.
Fly away to strange lands,
unreachable by mortal hands.
Wandering in this great forever,
knowing I’ll forget you never.